This cracks me up. Like makes me so happy. That there is an antithesis of FOMO.
I am someone who ALWAYS had the ‘Fear Of Missing Out’. Like always. Like, I wouldn’t even want my friends to keep talking when I went for a pee break. Oh, we laughed about it but I was like, ‘No really…sit in silence.’ Serious face. Ask them. They know.
And I would hate it if I missed out on plans or couldn’t go along or if I knew folk were doing shit without me. But actually…a lot of the time I didn’t really want or need to join in. It was exhausting!
I have a strange mix of introvert and extrovert vibes going on. I’m quite shy, which shocks a lot of people. I am the older of my sister and I and she was one of those weird kids that knew her own mind from a young age. She wouldn’t join in if she didn’t want to. She felt no need to impress anyone. She wouldn’t smile if she didn’t like you (she didn’t like a lot of people), she wouldn’t speak if she wasn’t into speaking (child didn’t speak until she was like 2 and a half because…me). So me, being a people pleaser AND a hater of awkwardness, learned at a young age to join in, speak up, fill the silences and be friendly. It has served me well, at times. But it has also ingrained in me a sense of duty over joining in and therefore a hater of missing out.
Was I also a lover of gossip? I couldn’t possibly comment. Except that I really was. It may have also played a role. I love people’s stories. I love to know why people do what they do and why they make the choices they do. Were there times that I was a right old bitch with it. Yep. I’m working on that. I love to hear all the drama, I’m curious! I just don’t want to be in the drama anymore. Right or wrong, I like a good story.
Anyways, all of this means that I had a bad case of the FOMO.
Having Tiny Dictator has given me a different perspective. I mean for a while there I was just too damn tired to care. But I also just don’t have the energy to waste worrying about what others are saying and doing all the damn time. I now have great joy in not having so many plans made (much to the delight of husband). And those plans that are made being with my band of merry folk that are just easy. I love leaving space for shit to go down. Like going for a stroll or an unexpected family visit. Like just getting caught up in the adventures of TD. Like meeting new people. I like leaving space for the magic to slip in.
I was always go, go, go. Do, do, do. I wasn’t giving much time or space for just being or breathing or letting ideas float about. I also, maybe, wasn’t always as present as I could be in my own life. I wasn’t always enjoying the moment because I was planning the shit out of the next one. Maybe that’s a confidence thing. Maybe it’s part of learning who I am and being more at peace with the life I want to live. I just know that the need isn’t there as much.
All of last week I was fighting some kind of bug. It had been working away at me. And it seem to grab hold this week. Now, normally I would have started panicking about trying to fit everything in. I would worry and stress and panic. And I’d end up having to cancel stuff anyways. This time I just kind of let it be a bit more (I mean, I needed a reminder from husband every so often. Guilt habits are hard to break). I cancelled appointments, didn’t go to the gym and missed out on time with friends. It sucked but also it was just what needed to happen. I’m learning to find more joy and less guilt in this whole taking care of myself and giving myself peace about things I can’t control. I can’t control getting sick (I used to almost feel it was some kind of weakness or failing) but I can control how I react to the whole thing. There’s no joy in being ill, obviously. But there is joy in giving myself peace and love about the whole damn thing.
We have enough to do and enough demanding our attention. We don’t need to let this fear of missing out steal any of our peace. We don’t have room for the doubt and the guilt of saying no to things that are not serving us or that we can’t manage. We have to set our own boundaries, and take pride in them, so that others can respect them. And we need to let all the coulds and shoulds leave our stories so there is room for what feeds our souls.
So, here’s to joyously missing out. So that we aren’t really missing out.