Who I’m Becoming

Do you ever get the sense that you are living a parallel life? Like, you are living your everyday life with it’s everyday routines and your everyday schedules…but just out of grasp is this other version you could (or…gasp…the dreaded ‘should’) be living?

This has been a more reoccurring feeling for me of late as I do more and more work to be my most authentic self. My brain is doing all this thinking and planning and figuring shit out but meanwhile much of my day to day stuff has stayed the same. It’s like my habits haven’t always caught up. I’m getting really curious about why I can’t quite get there. There’s a lot I don’t know because it isn’t the way I’ve lived my life before so it’s hard to imagine but there is a lot that I do know about how I want to live my life. I know many of the habits I want to adopt and I know they will help feed my energy levels and creativity and sense of wellbeing. I think I’m a little bit scared about it to be honest.

One night last week, after questioning once again why I haven’t quite started this, that or the other, I had this sort of image pop into my head. An image of me standing in front of myself. Two versions of myself. One now and my future self doing the shit that I want and need to be doing. I realised that I need to step into her, that one I’m becoming…just step in.

Easier said than done? Maybe.

Then I had to give myself a good ol’ talking too. I know that I am stepping closer to her every day because of the work and choices and habits I have already been cultivating. This work is messy shit. Like the messiest. You have to breakdown and rebuild yourself back together anytime you let go of old thought patterns or habits/people/ideas that no longer serve you. It’s exhausting. And I’m proud of myself for enduring and thriving. I also know that no growth happens in a nice, simple and easy straight line. My growth has been a big twirly, whirly mess.

But like Erin Brown says, ‘I’m here for the messy.’

That’s life right? One big messy journey. Nothing works they way it should. Nothing moves in a straight line. Nothing is the way you thought it was. Everything changes all the damn time.

So, I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking (hi…over-thinker here) and thinking about this journey and stepping into that version of me.

In the wonderful way that the universe likes to work sometimes, Brooke Castillo put out a timely podcast called, ‘Who Are You Becoming?’. Brilliant fucking timing right? ‘Here, listen to this you big giant brain drain! Geez…’

It was just what I needed. More work, of course, but ideal. So the premise is that if we keep planning who we are going to be based on who and how we are now…and who and how we were in the past, then nothing will change. We need to align our thoughts and actions from who we are becoming with who we are now. Confused? Yeah…Brooke says it better. Go have a listen.

‘Who Are You Becoming?’

Right, so…I need to spend some time really clarifying the person I want to be in the future but I need to think about it as the person I’m becoming right now. If you keep thinking about it as this future thing you’ll never get there. I need to become that person right now. I need to think like her, move like her, eat like her, speak like her, think like her, be like her.

I’m doing a lot of writing around the prompts:

  • I am becoming…
  • I am becoming someone who…
  • I am becoming a…

And I need to be specific as hell. And I need to take the action of BEING the person I am becoming. Otherwise that just becomes a wish list.

Some examples are…

I want to be someone who has my own business so I need to cultivate my thoughts, skills and actions around being business minded right now. I need to think like a boss bitch right now. I take courses and read and learn and do. Right now. Cause I am someone who has their own business.

I want to be someone who has a nurturing morning routine so I need to be someone who cultivates and works on a morning routine…right now. I need to start the routine and tweak as I go rather than waiting for the perfect time or the perfect set up. I do it, now. I AM someone who has a morning routine.

I have a lot on my ‘I am becoming…’ list. And they vary from big to small, epic to mundane. They all matter. I’m filling it in with all the details I can muster. The more detail the more real it will be to achieve. I am visualising them. I am thinking about them. I am starting to even believe some of them. Cause…that is the tricky part. Believing you can and are worthy and are capable. I am creating quiet space for myself to actually let my mind consider what I want to become. Giving space to listen up.

And I am absolutely choosing to do this from a place of more love, more compassion and more pride. I’m good right now. I’m worthy right now, which is why I can actually take part in this process. It’s not out of any kind of self loathing, I just get to choose now what path my badass self gets to take. You can’t hate your self happy. It just doesn’t work. You are allowed to want more for yourself without it meaning you don’t value yourself. In fact, surely it’s the highest form of self love.

But…If you don’t believe it can happen for you, it wont. And we have been told in many ways by others and ourselves that it can’t. End of story. But what if it’s not? What if you just haven’t given yourself a chance to be the person you can imagine yourself being? What if you haven’t even let yourself imagine other possibilities?

We all get to imagine and dream. It’s one of the most beautiful parts of being human. Go have a play about. If nothing mattered. If you were designing yourself and your life over. If you couldn’t fail…what or who would you be? Then start becoming that person. Right now. There’s really no time to wait.

Here’s to becoming our bestmost imagined selves.

We got this.

8 thoughts on “Who I’m Becoming

  1. Morning Jenny! I’m aware that I have a side of my personality that is constantly applying pressure to do more, to be more, to be better. Then there’s another side that resists because it’s just too much, and if I’m not careful I can bounce back and forth between the two. Luckily, there is another side that says “relax and trust that you will get where you’re supposed to go” and when I allow myself to listen to that voice (which isn’t all the time, sadly), I find I need to do less, not more, and the process of becoming is a lot simpler and easier. Thank you for this post, you’ve reminded me to tune into that side of me that really knows what she’s doing.

    Liked by 1 person

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