Our brains are creative beasts. Our brains, left unattented, can think up the weirdest, wildest, scariest, most beautiful and, let’s be honest, mean and terrible thoughts.
I’ve been taught to be nice but I’ve also been taught to judge. And judge I can do. I use to feel such guilt about the thoughts that would pop into my head. Sometimes I would push them away and move on to the something more positive but sometimes I would hold that judgement and run with it. I would judge people’s bodies, clothes, style, upbringing, backgrounds, beliefs, experiences. I would judge myself. I would sit in a lot of judgement about my body, my self worth, my value. Many times I was believing the first thoughts that came into my head. However, the blissful however, those first thoughts are actually often, more times than not, bullshit. And we are better than them.
“I was always taught by my mother: the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think, what you think next defines who you are.”
If you know who said it please let me know. I couldn’t find the author and this quote has given me such peace of mind. A shout out would be lovely.
We are responsible for our second thought. We don’t need to feel shame for the first thought but we are allowed to discard them in order to make room for better second ones.
About systems and institutions.
About our world.
We are conditioned for those first thoughts. Criticizing what someone looks like is so far beneath me now. I used to do it because I was told it was ok and acceptable to do. It was a way to feel part of a group and to ‘bond’ with people. It always felt yucky to me because I realise it wasn’t what I wanted to think or believe. Now I don’t. Most of the time. Do I still have the nasties sneaking in every so often? Of course. But they are given a wee shove to make room for want I want to believe. That anyone can look and wear any damn thing they want. Who. Cares. And…I’m better than that. Same with who people want to love. Same with how people parent, etc. This isn’t to say I can’t have opinions on things. I do. Very much so. It just means I question and challenge the first thoughts that pop into my head. Is that true? Do I know that to be true? Why do I think that? If someone is still an asshole after all that then fine. But I’m really trying my bestest to not go to the judgy as a given.
Not all my first thoughts are wrong. Many of them are inline with how I want to live my life and be. Some are ways to keep myself safe and some are so deep down ‘right’ for me that there will be no changing them.
Oh…and see that cow, jealousy? That’s conditioned thought as well. We can be taught that the way others look, be, do, succeed, etc is the more valued way. Again…bullshit! We can do things any damn way we want and measure our own success. We get to choose that. And I see jealousy now as a wee hint that maybe the way someone is doing something is appealing to me. And great! I’ll let that person inspire me to do something in my own way. Or…maybe I have a story around that I need to work through. Maybe its an area I don’t feel I’m ‘enough’ in. Can I give myself some peace there?
We all have a responsibility to challenge our first thoughts. The negative ones about others and about ourselves. There’s no need to beat ourselves up for them. Or feel shame for them. Chances are you don’t really believe that, you were just conditioned to go there. Changing thought patterns takes time and work. But it’s part of the good work. It changes how we view our lives and raises our frequencies right up there.
We are not our thoughts. Saying it again…we are not our thoughts. But…our thoughts can affect our emotions and our emotions can affect our actions. Brooke Castillo speaks about this at length in her coaching model. So…why not elevate those thoughts? Why not question the ones that aren’t our truth? That don’t serve our authentic selves?
Challenge those first thoughts for any conditioning and recognise the nasties for the dicks they are. Then choose what you want to think. What feels right and true for you. What elevates your feelings and actions.
We got this.